she is mine, she is ours, she is yours

photo (24)

The twinkle in my eye that is now the babe in my belly

 

My baby is the size of a fig. *She has translucent skin and  tiny starfish hands. She is a water acrobat, kicking and stretching like a mermaid in a fish bowl. I still can't feel a thing but I like knowing that she's there. That little fig in my belly.

 

I heard her heartbeat for the first time on Tuesday. All of the nausea and fatigue and bad moodiness that has hung on me like a foggy stench dissipated and what remained was vivid and bright. It was the most primal and otherworldly of sounds, her heart--a rhythm that seemed to come from here but also from beyond here. The

beat

beat

beat

beat

beat

of her heart in my belly was the stuff of jazz and prayer and bursting supernovas.

 

I can't stop crying:

 

"Oh God in heaven, she is mine. She is ours. She is yours."

 

*We don't know the sex of the baby yet. I just chose the pronoun 'she' :)