In The Spirit of Giving

I have a peculiar gift--something that until now I have kept rather hidden. But my conscience has gotten the best of me, and I realize that the world should not be denied my gift any longer.

I am a springboard. A remarkably effective, high-flyin', gigantic catapultin' springboard.

Like a modern-day cupid, I lead men to their romantic destinies (if perhaps more unwittingly than cupid). If a man falls in love/serious like with me there is a 70% chance that upon our break-up he will meet the love of his life and get married within the year. In other words, of the 7 men I've had significant relationships with, 5 of them have married the next woman they've dated.

I am not bitter about this phenomena but primarily curious. Why does this happen? In a way I feel quite philanthropic--perhaps this is God helping me really get those service points in.

Inspired by December's spirit of giving, I am offering a one-time-only invitation to all of my male readers between the ages of 25 and 35: If you're looking to get married to someone other than me, do everything you can to date me for a season. Chances are, within the year you will be staring into the dreamy doe eyes of your soul mate while I stand by courting a smug smile and a slightly too eager, "I told you so."